It's always there...

Lately it seems like I haven't complained much about diabetes on my blog. I really, really try not to make it the focus of our lives, but lately I'm finding the irritation and anxiety about it all creeping back in.

Adam's numbers haven't been so great since school got out and I'm not sure what it is....basal? Change in activity? Too much grazing? Just your basic unpredictability.

And I like predictability.

Which is pretty hilarious, since diabetes is the one disease that is anything BUT predictable, right?

I need to buckle down and do some logging. Some basal testing. Some changing of what goes in that kid's mouth. But I'm tired. I want a break. I don't want to think about it.

People ask if we want to go spend a day at the waterpark and they see me hesitate...it's not because I don't want to go...I do! But the WORK involved in keeping Adam safe there is just too exhausting to me to think about. I know he will have a blast, but he will resent my hovering, the juice-pushing, and constant finger-pricking.

It's not even just that....its EVERYTHING. I read Hallie's post yesterday and as I read it I kept thinking, "yes...yes...YES!" That is how I am feeling.

"Diabetes is like throwing a pebble into a pond.  The ripples go on and on and on...

And it's hard because most of the people who were in your life BEFORE don't see all those ripples.  They can't comprehend how those ripples end up touching every part of your life.

Those ripples push you out into the middle of the pond.  And it's lonely there. 

You had a life back on the shore but when you look back that seems like so long ago you really can't remember it.  And you're different now anyway."

There are so many things I'd love to do. School, perhaps a job, a vacation with my husband...things that before diabetes would not have been a problem. I mean, if the idea of planning for a waterpark visit makes me exhausted, how in the world would I do any of those other things?

I think a lot of people don't realize what a huge responsibility it is to be the parent of a child with diabetes. You are not only responsible for guiding, teaching and nurturing them into good people...but you have the added pressure of keeping them alive every single day.  And it's all up to you to make sure he goes into adulthood with a healthy body and able to go on the rest of his life taking care of himself.

I am blessed that I do have a wonderful circle of friends that understand (or most definitely try to understand) what we go through. Even two years into this, I have friends who will sometimes stop and say, "dang...this is a lot of work!" But as I was explaining how Adam's pump works in detail to a new-ish friend the other day...I just got tired. I didn't want to explain it anymore. After 2 years of it, I am done.

So while yes...things are going well, sometimes I start to wallow again and get really, really, really irritated by diabetes' presence in our lives. 

Summer...

Life is good...

Podding makes summer with diabetes just a bit easier...

There's time for relaxing and reading...here is my sweet 8 (almost 9!) year old girl. Her goal for the summer is for us to read the first 4 Harry Potter books together (I am the last avid reader on earth to read the series, I think!) She finished book one the other day and we watched the movie together as a family. She's moved on to book 2 (I catch up to her by reading at night after she is in bed. :)

I am so excited to hear about all of our D-friends heading to camp for the first time. I cannot wait until Adam is old enough to go and find that sense of understanding and community for himself. Just a few more years!

Summer is good.*



*Ask me again in mid-July, when it's 115 degrees out and my kids are bored beyond belief with no vacation in sight. I'll be the one in the corner, counting the days until school starts... :)

Just when you think you have it all together...

...diabetes kicks you in the a$$.

Today was one of our first "fun" days planned for summer. A trip to Pump it Up (indoor bounce place) and a day with some wonderful friends.

We arrive at the bounce place at 10am, and I do a pre-bounce BG check. And what do I see?

42.

Oh yeah. I have no idea what happened this morning, but being 42 BEFORE even bouncing was not good. Since I didn't expect to have an issue today, all I had with me was glucose tabs, cookies, fruit snacks and a Balance bar.

Of course, the boy child wanted none of this. So I hit the vending machine, looking for some juice.

Ooops...I don't have any cash.

I frantically butt in line and ask the cashier lady if there is any way I can get a juice...my son is diabetic, very low..blah, blah, blah. She graciously uses the key to open the vending machine and gets me a 72 carb Minute Maid fruit punch. And then I use my debit card to pay her for the $1.25. :)

So he drinks half...eats the fruit snacks AND a glucose tab and he runs off to bounce. I figure he's got about 50 carbs at least rushing into his body AND I turned his basal down to minus 85%.

Twenty minutes later, he's 97. Whew. He drinks the rest of the fruit punch (about 30 more carbs).

I test him AGAIN in 20 minutes. He's 67.

Oy vey!! I felt like a rookie today...I was pretty much out of sugar and I had no idea what was going to happen from here on out. Luckily, the kiddos were already exhausted so we headed off to lunch.

So what does any sane diabetic mom do in the afternoon? When the kids beg to swim, I say SURE!!!

And then Adam's pod promptly falls off.

Some days you just have to laugh. We were about a half an hour from home, and OF COURSE I had no extra pod with me. Since it was happy hour at Sonic, I gave him an injection and we got our half-price slushies, with my resolve to put a pod on as soon as we got home.

His BG was 189 when we got home, so I felt I could wait a bit and put numbing cream on because Adam asked (sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn't. He was tired, and I obliged.)

But THEN....Jason comes downstairs and says, "It's five minutes until karate...Adam do you want to go???" Of course he's desperate to go...and I have no time to put a pod on. I take a chance and let him go without a pod (the class is a half an hour long, and is literally 2 minutes from our house.)

Today was so weird. :) So he got home from karate...BG is 250 and I get a pod on him finally.

Then hubby wants to go to Costco for shopping and dinner. And ya'll know that means PIZZA.

Who knows what will happen tonight with his BG!! But I just have to laugh. And my buddy keeps me laughing because today, he put on ALL of his diabetes bracelets because....well, just because, I guess.

First year of school with D - complete!

We did it!

We survived the first year at school with diabetes. Adam is now a happy, healthy 1st grader!

I cannot believe kindergarten is over. I have to admit, I am a bit sad. I *love* having a kindergartener - so many exciting firsts, you know? This year, Adam learned to read, learned how to add and subtract and lost his 1st tooth!

Last summer, I was consumed with worry about how school was all going to shake down. Do I regret all the worry? No...it was productive, and while I may have over-planned a bit, it was appreciated by everyone at the school. The first 2 months of school were pretty nerve-wracking. And while I loved helping out at school, I felt like I was there ALL THE TIME.

BUT...that was all worth it. Because I essentially got to train them in person each day on all of Adam's diabetes "quirks." As the year went on, the calls got less and less and I trusted them whole-heartedly with Adam's care. They learned that when Adam's BG was 100 or so in the afternoon...not to trust it! I made lots of changes, and he'd still always go low. So they would automatically give him a little snack. Things like that - or they'd recognize an odd BG pattern and let me know. His teacher recognized his "low face" and would send him down when he was exceptionally quiet ('cause Mr. Social Butterfly was never quiet!) Here's a pic of him at the end of the school year pool party - that kid had no less than 5 kindergarten friends surrounding him at all times, lol!

I love the relationship we have developed with our school and health office. We are very lucky and it is so nice to know that next year will be even better! Even with the pump switch to OmniPod in the middle of the year - they were fully on board with it and learned a whole new system after just learning the Ping a few months before.

So the Pod? We've officially been podding for almost 6 months now and I can honestly say it has been the BEST thing we have ever done for him. He LOVES podding and so do we. Now that we have our "make the pod stick" routine down, we rarely lose pods and we've had only one official "pod failure" (knock on wood!!) But best of all, nothing gets in his way now. No tubes, nothing stuck in his pocket or clipped to his waist, nothing getting pulled on the playground. And no one can see it, which he loves. I don't even care when we get the new smaller pods...because these work so well for us. In the beginning, it took me a few months to love it, but the ease of pod changes has made things so much easier and streamlined for us. And as a bonus, my husband has done more and more pod changes and I have stopped being a control-freak and worrying about him doing it "right." Because you can't really screw up putting on the pod! And I promise I'm not throwing my hubby under the bus...he was perfectly capable of doing Animas Ping site changes, but again...control-freak mama thought she could do it best. At least I can admit it. Love you, honey!!!

We had Adam's Endo appointment a few weeks ago, and his A1c remained the same as last time, 7.7. While I would have loved for it to be lower, I was actually thrilled because in the last 3 months, he grew an inch, broke a bone and had strep throat twice. I'm cool with 7.7! 

Now we have the long, hot summer ahead of us. Already the benefits of swimming with the pod are evident - so much easier to manage than disconnecting all the time and replacing missed basal. I just turn down his basal a bit and he's good to go!

Hopefully I'll be a better blogger this summer....but no promises. :)

A little time to update

Here I sit...empty house, quiet (finally!) so I thought I'd do a rambling, random blog update. :)

We had Adam's 6th birthday 2 weeks ago. I have to say, it was a FANTASTIC day and my favorite birthday party to date. We had a "reptile guy" come to our house to do a presentation for the kids and they were enthralled for an entire hour.

Let's just say it was a 6 year old boy's dream. :) He had a great day and I can't believe my boy is SIX!

I also cannot believe we only have one month left of school. I'm sad...I like my little boy being a kindergartener. He had had a fabulous year - he's made lots of friends, learned a lot (I still can't get over how well he can read! I just love this age.) And while I was nervous at the beginning of the year diabetes-wise, this second half of the year has been really smooth. We have a great routine in place and the nurse and health assistant know Adam well enough now to know all of his diabetic "quirks" so to speak...for example, in the afternoon, if his BG is a "perfect" 100...they know that likely he will drop and will give him a little boost. That kind of stuff is priceless to me that they know him so well now. Next year should be even better since the teacher he will have is wonderful, already knows him well (she taught Sydney for 1st grade) and is ready for the challenge.

Coming up for air

It seems as though a lot of us are feeling this way lately - beaten down by life and seemingly unable to catch a break. The last few months have left me feeling a bit depressed and defeated. Whenever I have one thing licked, something else rears it's ugly head.

I'm a worrier. Stone-cold fact. I'm not going to change that about myself, but I feel like lately I have SO much to worry about! It has been a bit overwhelming. The last 6 months have not been a terribly good place for me.

We've had illnesses, spring break, more illnesses, a broken bone and a broken down car. Both kids tested positive for strep right before we left on our spring break trip to Disneyland, so that was lots of fun. Liquid antibiotics are a messy thing to travel with. :) We had a good time, despite exhausting ourselves. Both kids rode their first roller coasters and loved it. Sydney even progressed to Space Mountain. Tower of Terror did her in, though. :)

We came home to a few days of rest, then Adam came home with this:

He broke his wrist falling off the monkey bars at school. It's not a terrible break, thankfully, but enough to be totally annoying! He is SO BUMMED to be out of PE for a month.

Sydney has been sick and had some issues as well, that have taken up a great deal of my mental energy. Both kids came down with one of those random childhood illnesses last week - Fifth's Disease. It was a game of "what rash is this?" until Adam showed up with the "slapped cheek" look that was a dead giveaway.

I'm tired. I'm oh-so-tired. Which is why I haven't been blogging.

I'm slowly starting to come back to life, but it has taken some time. In all honesty, diabetes has been on the back-burner for a few months, which in a way I think is healthy. I take the number...deal with it...and move on. But it's always there - like tonight when Adam was having fun outside with the neighbor kids and I took it for granted that he was okay. He came in at my insistence, and his BG was 43. It's always there, lurking in the background, no matter how much I try to ignore it. Or in the middle of the night when he calls for me at 2am...asking me to check his blood sugar because he feels funny. It's always there.

This week is a busy one - my sweet, awesome, wonderful little boy turns 6 years old on Friday. Yep, the 13th! Sure, he has his moments sometimes, but he has a genuine heart of gold. This week is all about him, and I am super excited for his party on Saturday!

Roller Coaster

Y'all know what the D-Coaster is like. Sometimes you just feel like you've been up and down, up and down so much that you don't even know which end is up anymore.

That's how we've been the last few weeks with diabetes. Adam had a stomach bug two weeks ago - lots of low blood sugars, ketones, vomiting. It was a blast! But, I managed to keep him out of the ER, so I was proud of that. It took him about 5 days to recover enough to where I was reasonably sure his BG wasn't going to drop randomly after eating. That lack of carb absorption is tricky!

This week has brought a new set of problems. Two pods were "knocked off" at school this week. One was on slide (a kid accidentally kicked it right off of him) and then yesterday a little girl in his class came up behind him and gave him an apparently vigorous bear hug - so much so that the cannula came out. Good thing she's cute. :)

Yesterday (was it yesterday? I've lost track of time) he went to the health office for his 9:30 am check and his BG was 33. THIRTY THREE! The nurse was stunned that he had bounded into the office with his friend. No clue. 

Today, I changed his pod at 6 am because he was high all night long. Then this morning at 10 am I get a call that his pod is letting out a continuous high-pitched beep (and there is a hilarious story that goes along with this that involves his kindergarten teacher and the whole class trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. Including Adam who had no idea that the noise was coming from his own rear end!)

Turns out I hit a vein this morning and we had our first occluded pod - the cannula was filled with blood, so no insulin delivery. Changed it AGAIN. And at 2pm today after school? He was 47.

I had made an appointment with the pediatrician this morning just because I had a gut feeling he was sick (and one of his little friends had been diagnosed with strep this week). Adam HATES, hates, HATES getting his throat swabbed for strep. And I equally hate restraining a 60 lb. kindergartener. His throat wasn't really red, and I was ***this close*** to having her not swab him, but I'm sure glad I did, because he DOES have a raging case of Strep!

Like I said....roller coaster. When can we get off this crazy thing?