As if there isn't enough to hate about it...
But one thing has been bugging me this week. As a caregiver for a diabetic child, I often feel so alone in his care. And I'm not talking about "alone" in the sense that I don't have support from my family and friends. (And the DOC, of course!) I do. It's just that diabetes is the kind of disease where there is no set treatment plan. There's no 1 + 1 = 2. And let's face it. I'm a girl who likes a clear plan.
There are so many variables. While we all have our endocrinologists, and they can give advice on what to do...they don't always have the answers either. They can't say, "Do this and it will fix it." Half the time I feel like I'm the one driving his treatment and it's a scary place to live. I ask for advice when I need it...but often I'm still left here, drifting in the wind, trying whatever comes to mind to try and "fix" what is wrong with his blood sugars.
I try and try and try different things until I'm left with a cardboard boat, patched with duct tape...sinking faster than I can keep it afloat.
I hate having to make major decisions regarding his care alone. People and doctors can give advice, but it comes down to what we, as his parents think is best. Isn't that scary? It really is to me.
Today, again, he had a bummer day at school. His site pulled, he had a hard time pricking his finger because the Multiclix was stuck, he wanted to get out to recess, but his BG was low. And he cried. He told the school nurse he wished he didn't have diabetes. That made me sad.
I want him to be happy. I want to make this easier for him. I will do whatever it takes to allow him to play like a regular kid and not have to worry about all of this stuff so much. It's my job to let him feel as free as he can, and if it means investigating another pump after only using the Ping for a year, we'll do it. I was completely opposed to it a month ago, but after seeing him break down today, I'm open to it.
This is all so hard. There is this huge neverending-ness to diabetes. Even when you think you have it all figured out, you just don't.