Friday, September 17, 2010

New Realities

This new life we are leading is a strange one.

On the outside, to everyone else, it looks like we are back to “normal” – back to preschool, running errands, going to soccer and football games.

But on the inside, nothing is normal.

I have never been a cell phone addict – my friends would laugh at my non-existent texting abilities and the fact that my phone was always at the bottom of my purse, dead.

But now I jump whenever I hear my cell phone ring. I have a mini panic-attack if I’ve forgotten it.

My heart races…is it about Adam? Is he sick?

I’ve never been good with details, but with this disease, the details are important.

I have to get it right. The right amount of insulin. Don’t forget the diabetes bag. Don’t forget to check his blood sugar. Am I missing something? Why is he so cranky/tired/angry?

Being a parent creates a whole new level of awareness in your life. But the level of awareness that parenting a child with diabetes requires seems pretty overwhelming to me at the moment.

Will there ever be enough room in my brain for all of this?


  1. Yes. There will be room....but there's alot to learn...and then you'll find out there's still more. In the process, your brain may forget about other stuff -- be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself some time to figure this all out.

    It's been 5 years over here -- 5 years from now you'll probably writing these exact same words to another newbie. 5 years ago someone was saying them to me.

    You're right. It isn't normal. Life is different now and it's okay to be sad about that.

    You will develop a special bond with your cell phone -- I have no idea how mothers did this before the days of cell phones.

    One number at at time....just keep swimming...

  2. Yep...married to my cell phone while Joe is at school...and, I too, was soooo against cell phones prior to Joe getting diagnosed. Mine was at the bottom of my purse dead as you described yours prior to Adam's diagnosis.

    Your brain will become "swelly" and "hurty" as our good friend Meri describes it so eloquently. It is a lot of details to juggle in addition to your daily life.

    It took a good long time for me, feel "normal" again...on the inside. Take it slow and allow yourself the feelings of grief and please feel free to share them with us. It is hard when everyone expects you to be through that stage when you are not there yet. This disease is invisible, so friends and family kind of forget what you have going on continuously, 24/7.

  3. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier on you. I know that all this stress is on you to do everything, keep track of everything, remember everything and I can't imagine how overwhelming it is. I love you and I think you are an awesome Mom!

  4. Give yourself time... there will be room and you will amaze yourself at how much stuff you can store in that noggin of yours.

    I never had a cell phone until a few months after Elise was born. Even then, I never knew where it was (and to this day I don't even know my phone number), but you can bet I don't leave the house without it now.

  5. That is one of the most frustrating things about the big D...NO FORGETTING ALLOWED! And BE AVAILABLE AT ALL TIMES! Among other things...thank goodness for modern tech like the cell phone. It lets us wander away from the house and know we are just a phone call away from our little guys!

    And yes, your brain will make room...though it stays a little swelly... :) ((HUGS))

  6. You will adjust. Things will become part of your routine. Everything will be okay. And we are all here to support you!

  7. The first 6mths I think are the hardest, in terms of adjusting. The disease never gets "easy" but you will begin to feel confident in that you know what to do. Diabetes is sneaky and we cant always prevent, or predict whats going to happen next, or even avoid it.

    Just remember to take it one number at time like Wendy said, and you are NOT alone. We all are here for you, whenever you need to talk, cry, scream or just have a question.

  8. Stephanie: Just came across your blog through another and wanted to welcome you to the Diabetes Online Community. It's a bittersweet welcome, in that we wish there was no need for one to begin with but so incredibly glad for this life-changing network of people. I can't relate to what it's like to be a parent of a Child With Diabetes, as I'm not one and not yet a parent but have been Living With Diabetes now for 26 years (since age 5). All you can do is take it one day at a time, trying to keep a balance for everything. It's not easy being a pancreas, but we all do our best knowing we'll never be perfect. Look forward to reading more and seeing you around the DOC!

  9. YES! Stephanie their will be room. Somehow your brain adjusts to the madness of always being on alert and you don't notice it quite so much.

  10. I can tell you are doing great already. A new diagnosis in the family is like a trial by fire. It will all get easier and your assessment of what is going on will get faster every day. I'm glad to hear you are out and about, getting back to the things your family loves. You are right that people see you and think you are fine. Although for two months after my sweeties diagnosis I would burst into tears when I saw someone I know at the grocery store. It still happens once in a while that I'll get weepy while talking about D. Keep living, keep doing the things you love. You will soon be a D expert - Everyday a little more.

  11. Oh my gosh, me too! I carry it with me like Lovebug carries her insulin pump. I don't go anywhere without it. Total Cell phone addict here, but only because of D.

  12. I also panick when I forget my cell phone or the charge is too low. I remember feeling like I was just going through the motions of real life...all I could think about was the "new normal".

    It's hard to imagine, but things will get easier. We are a year and a half into our new normal...and each day I am becoming a little bit more ok with it - because I have to be!