Since Adam's surgery, his numbers have been all over the place and I haven't been able to get things back to the "normal" that they were before. I guess that's just diabetes. ::shrug::
I still feel like this is all a dream I am going to wake up from. I read your blogs…I identify, I relate and then I sit back and go whoa…this is me. This is my life. This is HIS life. He has a disease. It is not going away. And I still can’t fucking believe it. I had a great talk with a friend last night and I think I haven't quite reached the acceptance stage yet.
All I want for Christmas is to feel normal again. I want to go back to the person I was 4 months ago. No one likes the person I am now, least of all me. I am changed. Our family is changed. And while in the future, I may see some things as a blessing, I don’t feel as if we are changed for the better and that hurts.
Parenting is the single thing that brings me to my knees on a daily basis. Even before Adam’s diagnosis, you walk around each day as a parent, wondering how you are going to screw them up that day.
Parenting a diabetic child and his sibling is even harder. I know you all understand.
So, with that, I am looking forward to the new year. I am ready to bid good riddance to this year and I am praying that I will be able to find my new self this next year. And hopefully I'll like that person a whole lot more than I like this one.