Thursday, March 31, 2011

Why is it so hard?

I know Adam has diabetes.

I know he needs insulin every time he eats in order to live.

I don't understand why, when hovering over the "Go" button on his pump, I hesitate to give him 5 units of insulin for his lunch.

Pushing it means "Holy shit, he really does have diabetes. And this is a butt-load of insulin."

Why is it so hard, 7 months later, for me to accept that fact? Why now?

Maybe because in the beginning, 1 unit did the trick. We were warned of the perils of giving him too much. I'm terrified to give him too much and kill him. Yeah, that may be overly dramatic, but it's true.

I finally emailed his endo yesterday with his numbers...I don't know why it took me so long to ask for help. I'm not good at that. Even if that is what they are there for. I feel like I've been conditioned to "know" what I'm supposed to do for Adam's diabetes, when 90% of the time, I don't. I assumed that he needed a huge basal increase, but what his doctor responded with was to change his carb ratios.

And doggone it, he was right.

Sheesh, I should have just asked him weeks ago, yet instead I figured that I knew what I was doing. This morning he had 4 pancakes, something that over the last few weeks would surely send him skyrocketing into the 400's. Today? About an hour and a half after his dose, he was 250. Wow. He really did need to have his I:C changed. We are now at 1:17 for breakfast and 1:22 for the rest of the day.

I hate being a bother, but I need to get over that and start using his doctor like I should. I need to stop assuming that he's going to be honeymooning for a long time.


  1. right there with ya!
    I hate pressing go when there is so much to give him...but he eats more now and is bigger, older, no honeymoon anymore, etc etc. Still is hard.
    realize our endo appnt is next week...not sure I am ready for it.

  2. I feel like we are in similar stages...Natalie was diagnosed 9 months ago. I still have such a hard time accepting that she has D. Last week we ate out and she had a bagel sandwich (we never do that) and with that darn 65 carb bagel, she needed 5 units. It made me so nervous too! I clicked back and forth on the insulin pen (still on shots) between 4 1/2 to 5, until I got the nerve up to give her 5...then I panicked. Well she ended up staying in the 300's all afternoon after that! Nat's ratios are 1/15 for breakfast and lunch and 1/17 for dinner. They have been that for a long time, that's why I don't really think she had much of a honeymooon.

    Do not feel bad about getting in touch with the Endo. That is what they are they for. Our Endo actually still asks us to send her logs every week, which I do, and they email every week with any changes.

    Also, only a 250 spike is awesome! She still goes to 300 even if I pre-bolus.

  3. The first time Zac took 20 units I was floored. It seemed like so much and scared me.
    I often feel like I am clueless, especially now that he has taken over his own care. But remember that the Endo is paid by you and he sees a lot of differing types of parents and families.
    One thing I can say is that having a child with diabes is one of the most humbling experiences ever. And it also brings priorities right to the forefront.

  4. You are doing great. Keep it up AND your Endo expects you to need help. So allow yourself to seek it.


  5. wow. this post really has me thinking about the stage we are at. (Reubs was diagnosed in May last year, nearly 1 year diaversary). im just learning to lean on the endos and ask for help. perhaps i need to get more bold with this, accept that R's insulin and food needs are changing all the time. I oscillate in my mind before bolussing for foods too.

  6. I am 13 and take over 100 u of insulin everyday basal and bolus, and I'm not on a pump. It's hard but it is necessary. yesterday I took two 30 u boluses